This article explores what the Bible says, how church history informs the conversation, and how believers can build authentic relationships without compromising their faith. Real talk, practical wisdom, and coffee analogies included.
Wow, Pastor Chris, what a beautifully written and well-thought-out article. It's full of practical application. As we sometimes say, "That'll preach!" I've been able to have friendships and work with colleagues from all over the world - and from practically every religion - so I know your words to be true. I know the faithfulness of God and how He uses us to reach people by the way we live, talk, work and practice kindness. To live in a Christian "bubble" isn't biblical. Just look at Jesus, and Apostle Paul, and so many others. I often think of Rahab, proof that God will use anyone with a willing heart. These aren't "characters" in a book, but true accounts of God using real people to fulfill His Great Commission.
There was a season years ago where I had a very stressful job. I had colleagues and direct reports who took pleasure in being evil, ugly or spiteful. I maintained my composure, diplomacy, tact and even showed kindness and friendship to each one. All the while, I prayed every day that the Lord would protect me until such time as He removed me or the others from that environment. One day He spoke to me, as He does - not verbally but in my spirit. He showed me I had been put there because *I* was the light. I was there because that was my Holy assignment - to show others the love of Christ. I continued to befriend and simultaneously pray for release. Then one day, many months later, I physically *felt* the release He was offering me. He even orchestrated an opportunity for me to move into a new environment.
The lessons I learned through that experience - echoed in your exquisite post today - are that WE are the hands and feet of Jesus in this world. How will others come to know Him if we don't pray and show kindness? Only then may we have the opportunity to introduce others to Christ, where there is true freedom and life. Apostle Paul notoriously talked with each person on their level. He got to know them so that he might learn what approach to take in converting them.
Thank you SO much for such a moving - and instructive - piece today. Blessings to you!
You are so welcome, Lisa! God is doing something and I’m so blessed to be able to pour into believers this way. This idea came to me after realizing the struggle people have with being a believer in the world. As Paul said, “in the world, not OF the word.”
Very well written and thought out. How will we spread the gospel if we do not associate with those who are unbelievers? I think the answer is discernment. If we demonstrate love, compassion, understanding, and service to those who are not Christian, that is a witness to our faith and the life of Christ within us. On the other hand, if our friends tempt us to behavior, which is not godly, our duty is to gently refuse to do so, as a witness. We may, of course, subject ourselves to accusations of being a prude, or self-righteous, etc., etc. So be it. If we have a strong temptation to succumb to peer pressure with such individuals, it may be best to avoid them.
Appreciated this article. I have a few non-believing friends. Recently one was sharing her thoughts on the political issues of the day and I was honest with her about how my faith - meaning - 20+ years of time in with Jesus. This walk evolved all my views. Once I was also pro-choice but decades with Christ - now - I am pro-life. We also ended up talking about sin and salvation. It was an awkward conversation but I also didn’t want to lie to her about what was in my heart. I said that I thought our friendship was strong enough to handle the conversation. And we are still talking. I won’t ever stop loving and caring about her.
My faith also led me to stop drinking and in this world - it seems most people want to enjoy a glass of wine to hang out. This change, most of all - caused the greatest decline in my social friendships. As my faith gets older ( like an old tree) my friends have to be deeper ( like the roots)- and there will be fewer of them and that’s ok.
I do have to mention that one thing that's not being said is that when mixing relationships with unbelievers you are one foot in the world and one foot out. Also what is not being mentioned is that during the process of having friends That live in the world there is Spirit transference and spirits can transference from one person to another Both dead and alive And unless you are covered by the blood and wearing your armor and being both feet in Then the world will influence you and you will be lukewarr.
You are not to have friends that live in the world and still living for the world because that is watering down your belief system by saying it's okay to be friends with people that live this lifestyle and I can be different and mingle with them that's not what the word at all it tells us to do it says to do the exact opposite to stay away from people that are living in the world.
You can be nice to them and you can bless them and you can help them when needed but close friendships are not to be held with unbelievers and Believers or you will find yourself in a position where you are walking with oneYou can be nice to them and you can bless them and you can help them when needed but close friendships are not to be held with unbelievers and Believers or you will find yourself in a position where you are walking with one foot
Hi Amber! Scripture is clear about being watchful (2 Corinthians 6:14, 1 Corinthians 15:33).
That said, Jesus was called a friend of sinners — not because He joined in their ways, but because He brought light into dark places (Matthew 9:10–13). He didn’t isolate Himself from the lost. He loved them without losing His identity. That’s the tension we’re called to live in.
You’re right — we shouldn’t have deep friendships that pull us away from God. But with spiritual maturity, prayer, and armor on, we can walk with people far from God without becoming like them. That’s how the Gospel spreads.
Good message Chris. Made me think about a situation a few years ago. Wife and I were debating one or two of my son’s friends and if they were a positive influence or if we should discourage the friendship. Took a few minutes but we eventually settled on maybe they weren’t the best influence on him but maybe he could be a good one on them. Everyone needs good friends just as the unbeliever needs the believer in their life.
Thank you for this article. I have found that one of my struggles is that when I am around a group of non-believers I get very drained afterwards, like I might be the light but I feel like the other people are dimming it!
For me personally, I choose to only surround myself with true fellow Christ followers. I will be kind to unsaved people and pray eagerly for their salvation. I will do all I can to invite them to my church. I will make them cookies or respond to a text or two, but I keep my distance. Like I said, this is just for me personally. I don’t expect anyone to understand or agree ☺️
I get it, Beth. We should all be selective with who we let in to our circle. It sounds like you lovingly open the door to community. Personal invitation is a powerful way to bring someone into community.
Wow, Chris M! This is brilliant. And fits my situation with my karaoke friends perfectly. This reaffirms my "walk the line" approach. I have sometimes doubted whether I should continue singing with them.
Wow, Pastor Chris, what a beautifully written and well-thought-out article. It's full of practical application. As we sometimes say, "That'll preach!" I've been able to have friendships and work with colleagues from all over the world - and from practically every religion - so I know your words to be true. I know the faithfulness of God and how He uses us to reach people by the way we live, talk, work and practice kindness. To live in a Christian "bubble" isn't biblical. Just look at Jesus, and Apostle Paul, and so many others. I often think of Rahab, proof that God will use anyone with a willing heart. These aren't "characters" in a book, but true accounts of God using real people to fulfill His Great Commission.
There was a season years ago where I had a very stressful job. I had colleagues and direct reports who took pleasure in being evil, ugly or spiteful. I maintained my composure, diplomacy, tact and even showed kindness and friendship to each one. All the while, I prayed every day that the Lord would protect me until such time as He removed me or the others from that environment. One day He spoke to me, as He does - not verbally but in my spirit. He showed me I had been put there because *I* was the light. I was there because that was my Holy assignment - to show others the love of Christ. I continued to befriend and simultaneously pray for release. Then one day, many months later, I physically *felt* the release He was offering me. He even orchestrated an opportunity for me to move into a new environment.
The lessons I learned through that experience - echoed in your exquisite post today - are that WE are the hands and feet of Jesus in this world. How will others come to know Him if we don't pray and show kindness? Only then may we have the opportunity to introduce others to Christ, where there is true freedom and life. Apostle Paul notoriously talked with each person on their level. He got to know them so that he might learn what approach to take in converting them.
Thank you SO much for such a moving - and instructive - piece today. Blessings to you!
You are so welcome, Lisa! God is doing something and I’m so blessed to be able to pour into believers this way. This idea came to me after realizing the struggle people have with being a believer in the world. As Paul said, “in the world, not OF the word.”
Amen, brother. God bless you for being so faithful in your calling. I'm so happy you're here in this space, doing such important work.
Very well written and thought out. How will we spread the gospel if we do not associate with those who are unbelievers? I think the answer is discernment. If we demonstrate love, compassion, understanding, and service to those who are not Christian, that is a witness to our faith and the life of Christ within us. On the other hand, if our friends tempt us to behavior, which is not godly, our duty is to gently refuse to do so, as a witness. We may, of course, subject ourselves to accusations of being a prude, or self-righteous, etc., etc. So be it. If we have a strong temptation to succumb to peer pressure with such individuals, it may be best to avoid them.
I agree I asked myself this question sometimes! Jesus said he did not come for the healthy one’s but for
the sick instead!
Very well written and to the point. A conversation most of us have internally and with loved ones time and again, put to paper.
Appreciated this article. I have a few non-believing friends. Recently one was sharing her thoughts on the political issues of the day and I was honest with her about how my faith - meaning - 20+ years of time in with Jesus. This walk evolved all my views. Once I was also pro-choice but decades with Christ - now - I am pro-life. We also ended up talking about sin and salvation. It was an awkward conversation but I also didn’t want to lie to her about what was in my heart. I said that I thought our friendship was strong enough to handle the conversation. And we are still talking. I won’t ever stop loving and caring about her.
My faith also led me to stop drinking and in this world - it seems most people want to enjoy a glass of wine to hang out. This change, most of all - caused the greatest decline in my social friendships. As my faith gets older ( like an old tree) my friends have to be deeper ( like the roots)- and there will be fewer of them and that’s ok.
I do have to mention that one thing that's not being said is that when mixing relationships with unbelievers you are one foot in the world and one foot out. Also what is not being mentioned is that during the process of having friends That live in the world there is Spirit transference and spirits can transference from one person to another Both dead and alive And unless you are covered by the blood and wearing your armor and being both feet in Then the world will influence you and you will be lukewarr.
You are not to have friends that live in the world and still living for the world because that is watering down your belief system by saying it's okay to be friends with people that live this lifestyle and I can be different and mingle with them that's not what the word at all it tells us to do it says to do the exact opposite to stay away from people that are living in the world.
You can be nice to them and you can bless them and you can help them when needed but close friendships are not to be held with unbelievers and Believers or you will find yourself in a position where you are walking with oneYou can be nice to them and you can bless them and you can help them when needed but close friendships are not to be held with unbelievers and Believers or you will find yourself in a position where you are walking with one foot
Hi Amber! Scripture is clear about being watchful (2 Corinthians 6:14, 1 Corinthians 15:33).
That said, Jesus was called a friend of sinners — not because He joined in their ways, but because He brought light into dark places (Matthew 9:10–13). He didn’t isolate Himself from the lost. He loved them without losing His identity. That’s the tension we’re called to live in.
You’re right — we shouldn’t have deep friendships that pull us away from God. But with spiritual maturity, prayer, and armor on, we can walk with people far from God without becoming like them. That’s how the Gospel spreads.
Yes. Simply yes.
Good message Chris. Made me think about a situation a few years ago. Wife and I were debating one or two of my son’s friends and if they were a positive influence or if we should discourage the friendship. Took a few minutes but we eventually settled on maybe they weren’t the best influence on him but maybe he could be a good one on them. Everyone needs good friends just as the unbeliever needs the believer in their life.
Thank you for this article. I have found that one of my struggles is that when I am around a group of non-believers I get very drained afterwards, like I might be the light but I feel like the other people are dimming it!
It’s helpful to read about taking a step back.
yes, but we do not get into covenant relationships with them
Absolutely loved this topic and your insight on it.
Yes, but you have to spend your time wisely with them and invite them into your space.
i have friends of all faith levels, but I’m closer with those who are equally yolked.
For me personally, I choose to only surround myself with true fellow Christ followers. I will be kind to unsaved people and pray eagerly for their salvation. I will do all I can to invite them to my church. I will make them cookies or respond to a text or two, but I keep my distance. Like I said, this is just for me personally. I don’t expect anyone to understand or agree ☺️
I get it, Beth. We should all be selective with who we let in to our circle. It sounds like you lovingly open the door to community. Personal invitation is a powerful way to bring someone into community.
Wow, Chris M! This is brilliant. And fits my situation with my karaoke friends perfectly. This reaffirms my "walk the line" approach. I have sometimes doubted whether I should continue singing with them.