Why Every Money Decision Feels Like a Big Deal

Understanding the emotional weight behind your spending—and how God wants to bring healing.

Hey, I’m Pastor Chris. If money feels heavier than it should, you’re not alone. I write about faith, fear, and trusting God in difficult times. Subscribe for more—and if this helped, support the next post (and my next coffee).

I remember standing in the checkout line at the grocery store, counting the items in our cart and quietly trying to do the math in my head. I wasn’t the parent—I was the kid. Maybe 10 years old. But in moments like that, I felt like the weight of our world was on my shoulders.

I grew up in a single-parent home.

We didn’t have much, and somewhere along the way, I internalized that. I didn’t just think we were poor—I believed this is my life, and it’s not going to change. I tried to be optimistic, but under it all, the future didn’t feel open and full of possibility. It felt like a closed door I wasn’t supposed to knock on.

And when you’re the oldest kid in a house like that, something strange happens. You start to feel responsible for things no child should carry. Not just chores and homework, but financial pressure, emotional tension, and sometimes the unspoken role of being the “stabilizer” for everyone else. I didn’t just carry a backpack. I carried the stress of a home barely holding together.

My mother carried more than she should have, and I carried it with her the only way I knew how. She made things stretch and still gave us hope. I am eternally grateful for her strength and commitment.

The Emotional Economy of Scarcity

Here’s something I’ve learned the hard way: growing up with pressure around money teaches you to assign emotion to every dollar.

You feel guilty for wanting things.

You feel shame for needing help.

You feel fear when something unexpected happens—even something good.

And you feel pressure to fix what’s not yours to fix.

Even now, as a grown man with a job and a better understanding of financial wisdom, I still catch myself spending based on emotion instead of facts. Sometimes I’ll buy the cheaper version of something—not because I have to, but because something inside me whispers that I don’t deserve more.

You can make more money and still feel poor.

You can tithe and still be afraid.

You can trust God, and still tense up when the gas light comes on.

A Widow With Nothing Left

There’s a woman in scripture who knew this feeling too well. She’s introduced in 1 Kings 17—a widow living in Zarephath, gathering sticks during a famine. That’s when the prophet Elijah shows up and asks her for water… and then bread. She responds:

“As the Lord your God lives, I have nothing baked, only a handful of flour in a jar and a little oil in a jug. And now I am gathering a couple of sticks that I may go in and prepare it for myself and my son, that we may eat it and die.” (1 Kings 17:12)

That line gets me every time.

“Eat it and die.”

That’s what scarcity thinking sounds like when it’s been baked into your bones. It says, This is all there is. Nothing’s going to change. It feels like the story has already ended before you’ve even had a chance to live it.

But Elijah tells her not to be afraid. He says to go ahead and bake the bread—and that her flour and oil won’t run out.

And they don’t.

Every day, she has enough. Not a pantry full of abundance, but a God who keeps showing up. A daily miracle. Provision in just the right measure.

The Gospel Reparents Us

There’s no shame in being shaped by your past. But there’s no freedom in staying stuck in it either.

God has been teaching me something lately. He doesn’t just want to be my provider—He wants to be my Father. He doesn’t want to hand me blessings while I still think like a burdened child. He wants to retrain the way I see provision, generosity, and security.

Like the widow, I’ve had to unlearn the mindset that says, “This is it. Then we die.” I’ve had to stop living like it all depends on me and start trusting the God who shows up in famine.

Jesus said in Matthew 6:26:

“Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?”

You are not your paycheck.

You are not your poverty.

You are not the fixer of everyone’s problems.

You are a child of God.

What Freedom Feels Like

I’m still learning. I still hesitate when I want to give generously or enjoy something without guilt, but I’m growing.

Here’s what freedom looks like for me today:

• I spend wisely, but not fearfully.

• I give without replaying my bank balance in my head 20 times.

• I let myself enjoy things without shame.

• I stop blaming myself for things I was never meant to carry.

And more than anything, I’m learning that healing from financial trauma doesn’t mean becoming rich—it means becoming whole.

So if you’ve ever found yourself holding your breath over a purchase…

If you’ve ever panicked after paying a bill…

If you’ve ever said, “This is just my life, and it won’t change…”

Let me remind you—

God doesn’t just want to provide for your needs, He wants to restore your story.

And He will.