Who are you fighting?
Marriage can be a beautiful journey, but it’s not without its challenges.
Hello friends! I’m Pastor Chris McKinney and I write this newsletter. If you’re not on the list, subscribe to get a weekly dose of encouragement.
Marriage can be a beautiful journey, but it’s not without its challenges. When attacks of the enemy arise, it can feel like the peace in your home is under attack. In these moments, we have to ask ourselves, who are we fighting?
Over the last few weeks, it’s been interesting in the McKinney house. We’ve had several things come up that have threatened our peace, I’d love to say it’s just one thing, but it’s been a few different things.
Everything from issues with the house, strained relationships, questions about the future, and lots of other little things.
Then you find yourself in that moment when you’re fighting *ahem* having “intense fellowship” (insert Christian word for married fight here) about something so insignificant that you wonder what’s going on.
“Yes, I did make a cup of coffee on the dryer. No, I didn’t notice the coffee ring that was left behind…” (*insert married fight here*)
Too real?
Naturally, we have spirited conversations because my wife and I are one of few people we feel safe talking to when things go sideways. These conversations can be intense, but they’re grounded in our mutual desire to navigate these storms together.
When I step back and pray, I ask the Lord to show me the pattern. What causes our stress, and what can we do to make things better?
⚔️ Threats to Peace and Unity in Marriage
Financial Stress: Money problems can create significant tension and strain in a relationship.
Poor Communication: Misunderstandings and lack of effective communication can lead to conflicts.
Infidelity: Betrayal of trust through infidelity can deeply harm a marriage.
Unresolved Conflict: Letting disagreements fester without resolution can build resentment.
External Influences: Negative influences from family, friends, or society can impact your relationship.
Lack of Intimacy: Physical and emotional intimacy is crucial for a healthy marriage.
Stress and Overwork: Constant stress and overworking can lead to neglect of the relationship.
Different Goals and Priorities: Misalignment in life goals and priorities can cause friction.
Parenting Differences: Conflicting parenting styles and decisions can create division.
Health Issues: Chronic illness or mental health struggles can put a strain on the relationship.
It’s amazing to me that some people look at our marriage and say that we have a great marriage and that we’re #marriagegoals.
In my opinion, our marriage is far from perfect. We are human and struggle with the same issues everyone else struggles with.
What I can tell you is that we’ve learned how to fight and how to reconcile.
📖 A Biblical Example
Priscilla and Aquila were a dynamic duo in the early church. They faced persecution and numerous challenges as they spread the Gospel, yet they remained steadfast in their mission and unity. Together, they worked to support Paul, a leading apostle, and played a crucial role in the early Christian community.
One of their significant contributions was teaching Apollos, a learned man, more accurately about Jesus. They recognized his potential and, as a couple, took him under their wing, ensuring he had a complete understanding of the Gospel. Additionally, their home served as a meeting place for believers, showing their dedication to fostering a strong, supportive Christian community.
Their story, found in Acts 18 and referenced in Romans 16:3-4, exemplifies how a married couple can effectively work together for God’s kingdom. Their unity and shared mission were vital in their ministry, demonstrating that when couples stand together in faith and purpose, they become a formidable force against the enemy.
"Greet Prisca and Aquila, my fellow workers in Christ Jesus, who risked their necks for my life, to whom not only I give thanks but all the churches of the Gentiles give thanks as well." (Romans 16:3-4, ESV)
🛡️ We must stand united in Christ
Remember, you and your spouse are on the same team. When you face challenges, stand together, not apart. Lean into God and each other, knowing that your unity is a powerful testimony of His love and faithfulness.
As Ecclesiastes 4:12 (ESV) reminds us, "And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken."
Your marriage, with God at the center, forms a strong, unbreakable bond that can withstand any attack.
Practical Steps to Stand United
1. Pray Together
Prayer is a powerful weapon. When you pray together, you invite God into your situation, seeking His wisdom and peace. Matthew 18:19-20 (ESV) says, "Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them." Praying as a couple strengthens your bond and aligns your hearts with God's will.
2. Communicate Openly
Honest communication is vital. Share your fears, frustrations, and hopes with each other, knowing that you’re in a safe space. Proverbs 15:1 (ESV) teaches, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Approach each other with kindness and understanding, fostering a deeper connection and trust.
3. Support Each Other
Be each other’s biggest cheerleader. When one of you is weak, the other can be strong. Lift each other up with words of encouragement and acts of kindness. Galatians 6:2 (ESV) urges us to "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." By supporting each other, you embody Christ’s love and compassion in your marriage.
4. Seek God’s Perspective
Ask God to help you see the bigger picture. Sometimes, what seems like a crisis is an opportunity for growth and deeper trust in Him. Romans 8:28 (ESV) assures us, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Trust that God is at work in your lives, even in the midst of challenges.
Remember, you and your spouse are not alone. Many couples face similar challenges, but with God’s help and a united front, you can overcome any obstacle. Let Priscilla and Aquila’s example inspire you to stand firm in faith and love, knowing that your unity is a powerful force against the enemy. As Jesus prayed in John 17:21 (ESV), "That they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me." Your unity in Christ is a testament to His love and faithfulness, shining as a light to the world.
My latest devotional, Prayer Changes Everything is available on Substack!
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Great article Chris! I love your transparency around this topic. My wife and I also have periods of "intense fellowship." More intense than I think we should have after 29 years, but you hit on the key.... THIS ->"What I can tell you is that we’ve learned how to fight and how to reconcile." This is crucial to having a healthy marriage.... (Btw.... Love your graphics too!)
I'm not married, but I found a lot of what you shared helpful for friendships in general. Thanks for sharing, Pastor McKinney!