When Playing House Gets Complicated (and What God Says About It)

Living together but wondering where marriage fits into your faith? In this article, we unpack God’s design, the hidden costs of cohabitation, and a path forward.

Hey, I’m Pastor Chris. I write Faith Unplugged, a newsletter that helps us grow in our understanding of God, His word, and His plan for us. If this article inspires you, please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber or send some caffeinated encouragement by buying me a coffee.

So, you’re living together, and someone (probably your parents, your grandma, your pastor, or a well-meaning friend who’s always sharing Bible verses on Facebook) has said something about it. Or maybe you just stumbled on this article while doom-scrolling, and now you’re here. Either way, I want you to know—I’m not here to beat you over the head with a Bible. I want to talk. Imagine we’re sitting across from each other, coffee in hand, and I’m looking at you like a friend who cares about your life. Because I do.

The Love and Grace Approach (No, Really)

Before we go anywhere, let’s get this straight: If you expect me to yell, “SINNER! REPENT!” and throw a hymnal at you, you’ll be disappointed. That’s not how Jesus worked, and it’s not how I roll, either.

I get it—people don’t make life decisions in a vacuum. Maybe you moved in together because rent is insane, and splitting bills makes sense. Maybe one of you had a rough childhood, and marriage feels like a risky bet. Maybe you didn’t think it was a big deal because everyone else did it.

I hear you. I really do. But can we talk about why God designed marriage the way He did? Because I promise you, He’s not just handing out rules for fun.

Why Marriage Matters (And Why It’s Not Just a Piece of Paper)

Somewhere along the line, marriage got a bad rep. People started treating it like an outdated, unnecessary formality—like sending thank-you notes or rewinding a VHS tape.

But here’s the deal: marriage is not just a contract; it’s a covenant. God designed it as a beautiful, binding, soul-deep connection that reflects His relationship with us.

Marriage in Genesis—Where It All Began

When God created everything, He called it good. But then, in Genesis 2, for the first time, He said something was not good—that man was alone.

“Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’” (Genesis 2:18, ESV)

God designed marriage as part of His perfect creation. Adam and Eve weren’t just two people who decided to move in together. God brought them together in the first-ever marriage covenant.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24, ESV)

God created marriage, and it was His idea from the beginning. It’s not a man-made institution or an optional cultural tradition—it’s the foundation of human relationships as God intended.

More Biblical Foundations for Marriage:

• Marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church.

  • “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25, ESV)

  • This is bigger than just two people. Marriage reflects Jesus' love for us—a love that is sacrificial, committed, and unbreakable.

• Sex is sacred within marriage.

  • “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18, ESV)

  • Sex outside of marriage isn’t just a minor misstep—it’s a spiritual and emotional entanglement that impacts more than just the moment.

• God calls us to be set apart.

  • “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.” (Romans 12:2, ESV)

  • The world says cohabitation is fine. But God calls us to something higher, something holier.

For Those Who’ve Been Walking with Jesus for a While

Maybe you’ve been a believer for years, and you’re thinking, I already know this stuff, but my situation is different. Maybe you serve at your church, read your Bible, and love Jesus, but moving in together seemed like a practical decision, not a spiritual one.

Can I challenge you for a moment? If you know and love Jesus, you also know that following Him means surrendering everything—even the areas of life that seem inconvenient to obey.

Jesus said, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” (John 14:15, ESV)

This isn’t about legalism. It’s about love. If you’ve walked with the Lord for a while, you know that obedience isn’t just about checking off a box—it’s about trusting that His way is always better.

So, here’s my question: Are you willing to trust Him with this area of your life?

The Consequences (And Why No One Talks About Them)

Nobody tells you this when you move in together, but cohabitation comes with baggage. Here are some things to consider:

• Breakups hurt more. If things go south, you’re not just breaking up—you’re untangling finances, leases, pets, and entire lives.

• The fear factor. You’re giving your all to someone without real assurance they’ll stay.

• Expectations shift. The drive to “woo” each other fades faster because you’re already acting married—without the commitment.

• Marriage doesn’t feel different. I’ve talked to couples who said their wedding day felt like “just another Monday.” Why? Because they’d already blurred the lines.

The Benefits of Doing It God’s Way

Now, let’s flip the script. Here’s what happens when you choose God’s design:

• You grow together in a covenant, not a contract. Marriage says, “I’m in this for the long haul, flaws and all.”

• Intimacy deepens. True commitment creates a space where love can grow without fear.

• You step out of sin and into freedom. Guilt, shame, and all that weight? Gone.

Okay, So What Now? (The Game Plan)

What should you do next if you’re feeling convicted (not condemned—there’s a difference)?

1. Talk to God about it. Seriously, lay it out.

2. Talk to each other. This conversation is worth having if your relationship is built on real love.

3. Consider moving forward toward marriage. Set a date, get pre-marital counseling, and do it right.

4. If marriage isn’t an option yet, consider living separately. I know it’s a big shift, but it's worth it if honoring God is your priority.

5. If you’re resistant to change, wrestle with it. But do it with God, not against Him.

Marriage isn’t just about you and your partner—it’s about honoring God, reflecting Christ, and building something that lasts. And that’s something truly worth pursuing.

So, what do you say?